Attitudes and Platitudes

The problem with having a normally cheerful, upbeat, slightly sarcastic, and often tongue-in-cheek attitude is that people don't tend to take negative comments seriously. On the Internet, whether in posts or through emails, I try and make sure people know when I'm not being serious. I use emoticons where they'll show up and otherwise put my mood in asterisks.

So when a friend posted "Sometimes, just sometimes things happen for a reason and it leads to something even better. Just breathe and think positively." my response was "I'm running out of positive thoughts. Care to share some?" Rather than realizing I was being serious, she thought I was being tongue-in-cheek and liked my post. If I had been cheeky, I would have added ":P" after so the emoticon would have shown up. But at the time I answered I was feeling down because of all the bad things that had been hitting one after another for the past couple of months. I really could not have come up with a positive thought if someone had paid me. Although that would have been a positive thought to think someone would pay me for my thoughts.

I wasn't looking for a platitude in response. I'm good at giving those so I don't need them back. *being sort of cheeky with that line but also serious* But I was looking for a touch of sympathy and maybe even some concern. I'm not a person who shouts my cares to the world but I watch my friends so I can see when they need a bit of cheering up or cheering on or just plain cheering for accomplishing something. So when I post something that should shout to them that I need some cheering up I expect them to be watching for it as well.

Foolish me. I should know by now that few people are like me and watch others for those subtle signs that tell of problems in their lives. Too many people are used to the current generation's tendency to tell all and expect people to come out and say they are having troubles. I'm not that way though.

I have no trouble with people telling their life stories online. Personally I think there's too much information sometimes and that certain things should stay private but that's my attitude and applies to my life. If I'm asked, I'll give advice but otherwise I'll keep it to myself. Except in the case of my daughter, of course, but even there she'll usually come looking for advice when she wants it. Generally speaking though, unless I know a person will consider my advice carefully, I give out platitudes with my advice. It's sort of my way of showing that I know the person doesn't really want to follow my advice but is asking to make me feel like my opinion is valued.

I don't expect anyone to follow my advice blindly. The only piece of advice I've ever given that I do expect to be followed is "Listen to the advice you get offered and consider it carefully. What works for one person might not be the best solution for yourself but at least give the person offering the advice the respect of considering their words seriously." After all, everyone is unique. But often what works for one person will work for another. It might need a bit of modification for the specific situation and personality but the overall theory works. However, you have to consider the advice given and not simply dismiss it.

I think the most important advice I can give anyone, and yes it is a platitude, is to know yourself and to realize that everyone sees things differently. Learn to see how your friends act and react so that you can understand them better and be wary of assuming that people act for the same reasons you do. Because I can assure you, they won't always have the same reasons or responses. I just need to watch anyone, friend or stranger, to realize that.

Labels, Double Standards, and Gender Equality

I often wonder when we started applying labels to everyone and everything. Obviously, the more complicated our language became, the more labels got created. But did the first cavemen have specific grunts for "Weird, nonconformist person not popular, ignore him/her"?

It seems we have to label people even though one label doesn't fully describe any body. Yet we try and make a label that does. "He's a conservative." "She's a Luddite." "They are Russian." That describes one factor - political leanings, religion, or nationality - but doesn't describe the person.

There's also the fact that some labels are double standards and sexist. A guy can do something and be cheered for it. A woman does it and she's made to feel ashamed. Sometimes it works the other way but not often. Usually when it does it involves something that is traditionally considered to be a female trait or responsibility.

So why do we try to pic people into categories and gender roles? Part of it is the way we got programmed genetically during the years our survival depended on clan structures and low technology. When it took several men working together to bring down enough animals to provide for the clan, the hunters had to be able to survive the rigors of the hunt. Men are, generally speaking, stronger and faster and more aware of danger than females. Females are, generally speaking, more attuned to tending for and raising the children and handling the domestic work, although some of that could require a lot of strength. Ever chop wood?

For the clans' survival, gender roles became established traditions and people were set into roles that utilized their skills best. People good at cooking became the bakers and cooks, people with deft hands sewed clothes and made objects needed for other jobs. So they got labels - Baker, Blacksmith, Hunter, Woodsman, Washerwoman, Tailor, etc.

As our technology developed it became easier for people to cross gender defined lines and take up other jobs. But simply because it was easier to physically do the job didn't mean it was socially acceptable to do so. We are not a species that adapts quickly and our mental attitudes are the slowest to change. We are quick to assume, faster to speak, slow to accept we can be wrong, and nearly impossible to get to apologize or admit we were wrong.

We use our traditions, our cultural standards, and our religions to keep people in narrowly defined roles. There has been some improvement over the past half century towards gender equality but there is still a lot of resistance. Children are still taught at home first so old attitudes get set in them before they start mixing with other children and ideas.

A good portion of the problem is that society tends to define what is morally right and wrong. As society changes, the morals also change. But people who are raised believing one thing is right tend to resist changes in society especially when it now tells them that what they were raised to believe in is wrong. Their society is what they try to hold on to and enforce on the new evolving society.

What we need to learn to do and teach our children to do is to look at the standards our society is setting without our standards getting in the way. A task that is practically impossible because we don't know how to be impartial. As impartial as I try to be, I know my views and values influence my judgement and thus my interpretation and evaluation of any changes society is making. But I at least make the effort and when I doubt my own impartiality I give myself time to let the concepts rattle around in the back of my brain before pulling them back out to look at them again.

Sometimes I change my opinion and sometimes I don't. But I accept the fact that I will not approve of all the changes made in society. Then again, I am but one person so my views have to be part of the whole and not the sole viewpoint. And when the majority decide against how I feel, I will accept it. Doesn't mean I'll like it but society is not one person.

Quizzes. Memes. and Other Internet Fun

Back when the Internet was first developed no one had any idea of the outbreak of quizzes, memes, social media, and sheer knowledge that would flood it. Of course, there's also all the fake knowledge out there as well as porn. Put any combination of words in a search engine and you will get a hit.

Don't believe me? Try five random words and see what comes up.

Quizzes, memes, and games probably take up the most time of anyone surfing nowadays. Although there are some sites where you can lose hours just checking it out (*cough* Cheezburger *cough*). It can be fun to take some of the quizzes just to see what questions get asked and what results you get.

For instance, I took one for alignment as per Dungeons and Dragons. Now most people would say I'm Lawful Good but I came out as Neutral Good, something I happen to agree with for once. But the questions made no sense for me. What were the pictures they asked me to choose from? None of the crests were ones I'd really have so I picked the one most visually appealing (which was probably the point instead of the emblems on them). Some things they referenced went straight over my head because I didn't know anything about the options listed.

Which is a truth I find with most quizzes. Most of the time the questions seem to have no reverence to the subject but somehow my answers give clues to how much I am a person of Neutral Good alignment or a person whose clothing style would match Jack Sparrow or how Sven would be my best friend or whatever the quiz is for. Reminds me of the application questionnaires for employment only the quizzes don't ask the same questions over and over again and usually entertain me a lot more.

So quizzes are entertaining. They are meant to be entertaining, same as memes. Memes are meant to share humour by taking a picture and captioning it. Some of them are very funny. Some aren't. Which is the nature of humour after all. We all find different things funny. The popular ones get spread around the Internet so depending on where you surf you can see the same meme several dozen times.

Or, if your friends are varied and don't share the same friends with you, you can see it several dozen times on FaceBook. Social media is the dumping ground for anything people want to share. See a funny picture? Share on FB. Seen a funny meme? Share on FB. Seen a good joke? Share on FB.

I'm lucky that my friends list is still small so I don't get tons of whatever popular meme or picture is going around. I do have a couple of friends who constantly post links sharing pictures, memes, and jokes. Some are ones I want a copy of so I follow the link back to see if I can take a personal copy of the picture. But usually I look, maybe smile, and continue on.

The Internet can be a place of fun but it can also take up a huge chunk of my time. Luckily, I have friends who are willing to spend time scanning through all those sites to share links so I don't have to scan through all those sites looking for pictures to share. It's thanks to them that I can take quizzes, read memes, laugh at pictures, videos, and jokes, and know without any doubt that the Internet is better for having all this shared.

And in case anyone is wondering, that last paragraph was mostly written as tongue-in-cheek. The first line is completely serious.