Something To Think About

I like watching people and seeing what sort of things they post and talk about. I guess what really fascinates me is how people who can be intelligent can be so oblivious to their own actions.

I know I make mistakes, I'm only human after all. But one thing I learned early is apparently the one thing that most people don't seem to have learned - we put our motives on others.

Especially when it comes to the written or typewritten word. There's no way to show emotions except by using symbols and expressing emotions in the words themselves. For example (j/k) or :P or even *wry smile* . So people, when they read something, project their own mood and viewpoint on whatever is written.

But few people understand that they are doing this.

I've dealt with people who have looked at a comment someone has made or instructions sent by email or even just a picture posted someplace and they've taken offense or been insulted or hurt or gotten angry because they think the other person is angry or being rude or whatever they are thinking. I critiqued one person in a writing group I belong to and I thought my critique was fair and I offered suggestions for the issues I saw and complimented the good I saw. Unfortunately there wasn't a lot of good in the story. The budding writer sent back a message saying he was quitting writing since he'd never be any good.

I had not said anything of the sort. In fact he had a good idea and a good start. Most of his problems were technical in nature, especially comma use, and using imagery that was confusing. But his self-confidence in his idea and writing was so low that any criticism meant he obviously wasn't any good and never would be good at writing so he gave up.

I've had people critique my stories and told me I was doing something with a scene or a dialogue that wasn't really there. Or at least that I hadn't meant to draw any connection to but again it was the other person's perceptions of what should be there that formed their judgement of my story.

Just as in other aspects of life I've heard people talk about someone and give their reasons for what the other person was doing. Offices are bad for that as people like to gossip. But even groups of friends will do the same thing. They'll make assumptions about people and what they say and do based on their own experiences and views.

I try to keep an open mind about why someone acts a certain way. If possible, I'll ask questions to make sure I understand any requests or if I know the person well enough I can ask about their mood so I know how to act around them. Because I know that I will have to be the one to watch what I say and do.

That's not a complaint or bragging. It's a simple statement. I'm aware of how perceptions shape our responses but most people don't think about it. They aren't taught to be wary of it. They don't analyze their actions, reactions,and thoughts.

Why should they? No one they know does it. Well, unless they know me and my family. But, as we've been told, we're exceptions to the rule of the average person. We've tried to be exceptions and taught our daughter to be an exception.It's hard sometimes and often frustrating but this way we can each bring a little bit of enlightenment to every friend we make.

Because, you know, we have to point out to our friends that perceptions are everything and we need to understand that we see everything through our own perceptions. : ) Even when trying to be open-minded and see through someone else's eyes we can't. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't be trying.

And who knows, maybe we do sometimes see things as someone else does for a brief instant in time. At least we can open our minds to other ways of thinking.