I like to think of myself as fairly intelligent, tolerant, and open minded. I have had many people tell me I'm unique in that I don't judge people by colour, gender, or sexual orientation. I don't know how or why I have that mindset because my parents certainly had their share of prejudices. But there are certain things I don't understand, no matter how hard I try, concerning how people act and react when it comes to sexual concepts.
I have several friends who belong to the LGBT community. I know 5 transgendered people, two of whom I met before they transitioned, two I met after they had transitioned, and one that was in the process when we first met. The two who transitioned after I met them I hadn't know for too long so it was easy enough to switch gender labels when referring to or talking with them. The one in the process simply made it easier because I went with that person's preferred goal.
The two who had already transitioned were the ones who confused me. I wouldn't have known they were transgendered if they hadn't told me. As far as I was concerned they were the guy and the gal I met and I would have assumed were always those genders. I didn't see any reason for them to tell me.
That's what confuses me is the need, one might almost say desperate need, of LGBT people to tell everyone they meet that they are LGBT. Are they trying to find out immediately who is prejudiced so they know who to avoid? Are they so defined by their sexual orientation that they have to get that label out there immediately? I don't define my friends by their orientations any more than I would their political affiliations although there are people who also thrust their political affiliations right into the faces of people they have just met.
Myself, I like introductions to be "Hi. I'm ________. Nice to meet you." not "Hi, I'm ________, I'm gay/bi/transgend." or "Hi, I'm __________. I'm a Liberal/Conservative/PQ/Green Party?Democrat/Republican." I don't know about other people but by skipping the pleasantries and jumping straight into personal facts you tell me a couple of things you might not have intended to say.
First, you're insecure/nervous/scared/proud/aggressively defensive about whatever you just told me. Your tone of voice and body language will tell me which of those adjectives applies. Second, you either are expecting to be rejected or want a fight over the issue. Third, you have no concept of personal space and the idea of getting to know someone and setting up a good first impression.
The idea that some things should be kept private is not part of the current culture. Or sure people will sometimes precede a post with "Might be TMI" or "TMI" but usually they will just say whatever they want and not seem to care about whether or not people want to read or hear about it. Then they wonder why people get upset.
For me, the fun in meeting new people is getting to know them. To be able to sit and have a conversation where I don't know what answers I'll get to my questions and what stories I will get to hear. Will I learn something new from this person? Can we be friends? Is this the start of a long friendship or a brief passing of two souls? Will I walk away from this meeting with the knowledge that I have another person to share my world with?
Getting to know someone is like a dance. You start slowly and build up. You exchange pleasantries and cautiously move into more complicated steps (subjects being discussed). You don't jump in and land on the other person's toes by throwing personal facts in immediately.
I understand there's some need in people to put forth their sexual orientation. After all we are sexual animals. Our genetic imperatives are survive and reproduce so we are always assessing everyone we meet as potential mate, potential rival, or non-threat. Sex is a very natural part of who we are. In the immortal words of Gil Grissom "The only thing unnatural about sex is not having it.." Although there are some truly asexual people out there but they are like albinos - naturally occurring but not a typical representation of the species.
So one could say the need to declare oneself as LGBT is a way of determining if the person you feel is a potential mate is of the same persuasion is a valid argument IF the declarations were made primarily to the people one is attracted to. But when you are telling a person of the opposing gender this fact, are you trying to tell they that you aren't available as a potential mate? Because hat's the only reason I see that would make sense. But the people I ask don't know why they tell people their orientation immediately. They think they do but their body language isn't agreeing with their answers.
So maybe I'm closer to the truth. Maybe it is something associated with being LGBT that makes people put their orientation out there immediately to clear the air about whether or not they are available as a potential mate and find out if any potential mates are around. After all, if heterosexual is the "normal" state then it will be assumed by both parties that the other person is exactly what they seem to be.
Then too, there is the perception people have that they have to meet certain standards to be considered whatever gender and orientation they are. Transgendered people in particular seem to feel they have to meet exaggerated standards of genders to be considered a "true" male or female. So a guy has to be a more "manly man" than a natural born male and a girl has to be more "girly girl" than natural born females.
Which is foolish. By letting other people dictate the standards that allow them to feel you are male or female you're empowering their prejudice. If you think you are a particular gender and act the way you feel is natural for yourself then you are whatever gender you claim to be. Standards change when enough people support the changes. By supporting the attitude that whatever a person does is fine for them and that there are no gender-specific actions we can change society's standards on what defines a male and a female and allow their roles to expand as they should to encompass every role as possible.
By letting people's prejudice define your actions you empower the prejudice not tolerance and certainly not yourself. Tolerance is harder to spread than prejudice but once it takes hold it makes sweeping changes in attitudes. Only by encouraging and spreading tolerance can we ever be in a world where people don't define themselves by their orientations, colour, gender, and any other condition we can find to judge people. Instead we'll be in a world where everyone introduces themselves with "Hi. I'm ________. Nice to meet you."
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