I was talking with a friend who was applying for a job and had to answer one of those personality questionnaires some companies still use. He said it wasn't the first part that was annoying, how would you describe yourself, but the second part, how would your friends describe you, that made him wonder who thinks up these things. How are we supposed to know how our friends would describe us? It's not something we normally discuss.
It reminded me of the questionnaires I got in my course when we were doing the social interaction module. I wondered if someone mixed up the forms they were to give my friend. But it also got me thinking about self analysis.
One of the hardest things to do is to take an honest look at ourselves. We have our own self-image of who we think we are and sometimes, well okay usually, it doesn't completely match with who we really are. Because you know, we want to be people who keep our tempers, who react well under pressure, who have a witty and charming response to other people in any situation. We don't like admitting we have flaws and we really hate it when someone else points out our flaws.
Several years ago I took a good long hard look at myself. I had just experienced an event which tore apart my world and made me wonder who I was and where I was from and where I wanted to go. It took time but I looked at who I was and had been and decided on who I wanted to be. Some things I didn't need to change. Some things I had to change. And some things needed to be changed but for whatever reason couldn't be changed so I had to figure out a compromise.
To illustrate, I was a person who cared about others, that could stay. I cared too much about what other people thought, that had to change and could be changed without losing the ability to care. I didn't like confrontations and couldn't change that fact but needed to find some way to handle it. Well, if I wasn't strong enough to handle confrontations then I would have to be able to let other people do their ranting and raving without taking it personally and let it slide off. then I would have to work around the other person to do whatever needed to be done. That I could do.
Our self image and self esteem are vital to our interactions with other people. One message I'm always giving to people younger than me is that no matter what anyone else says, the only person they need to have approval from is their self. There will always be people willing to criticize, complain, tear down, walk over, and generally treat you as if you don't matter. Because you don't matter to them so why should they matter to you?
Despite how it sometimes seems, there are actually more decent people around than nasty people. But the people who don't personally know you won't put themselves out to defend you, they have no reason to do so. So it seems, from our viewpoint, as if there are more uncaring people out there than not.
In the end we all have to decide who we want to be. When people hurt us we have a choice. We can let them walk over us and make us feel worthless. We can stand up and fight back, making ourselves feel more miserable as anger and bitterness take over because the other person won't care and won't change. Or we can ignore the other person and be who we want to be.
It's hard to be who you want to be because there's so much pressure to conform and be one of the regular people, the "normals", to have the approval of others, and to fit in. Someone someplace will not approve of something you do or say and will be very happy to give you their opinion on how you should be acting. Just smile, make an appropriate polite and noncommittal response (I prefer "I'll have to think about that"), and let it slide away. It is your life and it is your choice on what sort of person you are.
There is only one person who lives with you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, every year of your life. So if you can look in a mirror and like the person looking back at you, you're ahead of the majority of the species.
There are still things I would like to change but realize I probably never will change. When I look at myself in the mirror, aside from wishing I was prettier, I like the person I see. And I know it's been a long, tough road getting to this point but the journey is worth it. Because I am a person I am proud of. That's really all that counts.
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