We all suffer from peer pressure. There's no way around it - we all want to be liked and wanted. It's natural and some people take advantage of it. We also, as a species, tend to form groups and the pressure on us as we grow up is immense to belong to at least one of these groups - popular, sports, brainy, even nerdy groups. Some groups have a higher social standing (popular people, sport, etc) and often draw bullies to them.
Bullies are, in my eyes, some of the most craven people in society. They use their wealth or size or popularity to intimidate weaker people. I can understand why bullies get away with bullying. Since they usually are physically larger and richer than their victims no one wants to push a confrontation. Bullies also surround themselves with other people who would also be bullies if they were capable of taking the lead. Usually they aren't as confident but since they also have the bullying streak in them they become associates of stronger bullies.
Most bullies, though, aren't capable of handling themselves on a one-to-one basis if their victim has the courage to stand up to them. Bullies count on their victims' lack of self-confidence and smaller size to make them scared so they won't stand up. Bullies are simply cowards who look for people they can prey on. You will never see a bully go after someone who is capable of standing up for themselves and keeping calm.
Bullies also rely on the fact that if their victim tries to speak up, it's their word against the other person. No proof. And it's always possible to find an area where the victim will be alone or in an area without any support handy if they do want to beat them up.
So, I understand how bullies continue to plague society especially in schools.
But cyber-bullying, now that I find difficult to understand why it is becoming such an issue. It's easy to block someone from posting on your FaceBook wall and emails can be sent automatically to the junk folder or deleted and the senders blocked. No one forces you to open the email and read it. You have time to look at anything posted and figure out a calm response to it. If you're good with words or know someone good with words you can twist the post back on the bully and make them look as small and petty as they really are.
Someone posts online and you have proof of harassment and bullying. Sure, I know there isn't a lot being done to persecute cyber-bullies yet but the pressure has to be put on authorities to do something. Letting the person continue to post simply means you're willing to be a victim.
Perhaps most importantly, learn to accept that people are going to be cruel and accept that you don't need to be liked or wanted by those people. Develop a thick skin and look for the people worthy of being your friends and family. They will like you for yourself and want to be with you.
And all those bullies? When people stop paying attention to them, eventually they go away. Bullies want people to be scared of them and if you're ignoring them then the tactics aren't working and they aren't having fun. They'll go looking for another victim. And if all the potential victims learn to ignore bullies or laugh at their antics or simply stand up for themselves then bullies will have to grow up or else pick on one another.
I had someone try to pick on me when I was in grades 5 and 6. It was a group of about 9 people. They started in late winter/early spring of grade 5 and picked up again when we came back for grade 6. However, I'd had the summer to learn a few fighting tricks and when the bullies started on me I challenged the leader. I remember the group surrounding us as we fought by the back wall of the school. I didn't win the fight but I was left alone after that. I showed I was willing to stand up for myself so I wasn't a victim anymore.
Now I use words and looks when someone tries to bully me. I found that I would be left alone when I gave a bully a pitying look and said "It must be hard to have such a bad life that you need to bully people." Or variations on that theme. Basically, I tell the bully that I feel sorry for him/her and that makes them go away. So far no one has tried to bully me online. Which is probably good for me, I have a sinking feeling I would respond criticizing their spelling, grammar, and content which would make me a form of bully. Something I don't want to be.
Because I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
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