Sorry about the lack of posts. Real Life has been wanting some attention.
One thing I get amusement as well as confusion from is stereotypes. I understand we, as a species, have a need to catalog everything, to give it labels, and be able to identify certain traits and features with a catch-all statement. And, sometimes, the stereotypes fit.
Due to recent events in my life, I've been dealing with things that have showcased one particular stereotype. Redheads and their tempers. Redheads have a reputation for having quick, passionate, fiery, and nasty tempers.
Well, I've met a lot of people over the years and have had a chance to see a good portion of them get angry. Blondes and brunettes have a wide variety of tempers - quick, slow, mean, passionate, slow to go, quickly gone, ones that hold grudges, ones that release everything and expect everyone else to let go of the issue after the blowup. Redheads though, while some may be slower to get angry than others (mostly because we've learned to keep a tight control on our tempers), all have one thing in common. Our tempers are vindictive.
I have not yet met a redhead who hasn't had a nasty, petty, vindictive streak tied directly to their temper. Some of us have learned to control our tempers so that we can get irritated and upset without loosing that vindictive urge.Others flash immediately into it if you push them. But whether the redhead in question is normally quiet and self-contained or passionate about Life, you can bet that when they get angry the first thought that goes through their head is how can I get back at whoever made me angry in the most painful, destructive way possible?
Now I know someone will probably say that I can't say that about every redhead. That somewhere out there is an exception or several exceptions. That like blondes and brunettes, there are redheads who don't show nasty, vindictive tempers. That just means they can control their tempers better. People who think they know me would say that I'm not a vindictive person.
Boy, are they wrong. I just have an extremely tight control on it.
It's been a hard struggle to get to the point where I can let go of my anger. Some things have happened in my life that I still feel anger over despite the fact that they happened a long time ago and most of the people involved in the incidents are out of my life now. I try not to bring up those memories and, when they do get stirred up, to let them go. Hasn't worked too well yet.
But I've noticed that while some blondes and brunettes can hold grudges until the mountains sink into the seas, every single redhead can bring up instances of where they've been wronged in their lives. We hold grudges until the seas dry up, mountains become plains, and the stars go out. And we will plan revenge even if we never act upon it. Because we know acting on it is wrong and we want to be better people than that.
On the flip side of having the worst tempers in the world, redheads seem to be the most generous at helping others. I think that's because we're willing to put ourselves at risk by caring for others. People can't get you mad unless you care, either about the other person or about the subject matter that's making you angry. I think that because we know how much being angry and hurt causes pain and destroys our self-confidence that we want to protect others and so we put ourselves out there to draw that away from the people we care about.
One of my best friends has been hurt several times because of caring for others yet guess who is the first to offer help if I say I need some? You got it. I understand because i am still doing the same thing. I know that a situation has the potential to end up hurting me and possibly my family yet I can't stand aside and not help.
However, just because I can't keep from helping others doesn't mean I recklessly open myself and my family to being hurt. I know how to protect myself as much as possible. I also know that caring leaves me vulnerable because the person has already gotten past my armour. I can only hope that the person will prove to be someone who also considers others and will do everything they can to make the situation work out as well.
And for those who aren't as caring and considerate, I can only accept that I will be hurt again and try to toughen myself for those inevitable times when I will get hurt and angry. At least I've developed the reflex to not say anything until I get my temper under control.
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